Trail Chat

The Official Dirt Barbie Dictionary:

Butt Chatter: when farts sneak out while you’re walking

Carol: our bitchy navigation system always disgusted with us and in a perpetual state of rerouting

Country Nails: instead of a paying for a french manicure get some dirt under your nails for free… after a while the effect is noticeable even from a distance

Fat Kid Syndrome: when you’re on a trail and all you can think about is food… donuts, pasta, pizza, cookies, chocolate, ice cream, wine, waffles… CARBS!

Flapper: when you have a chunk of skin gone rogue, usually from climbing (think hangnail but usually on the palm of your hand)

Funk: a particular smell your shoes, gear and clothes take on after being in the back country for a week or two

Glens: anyone who takes pictures on an iPad. Bonus points if you can take a picture of them taking a picture #glensinnature

Grease Cap: when you don’t wash your hair for long enough that the only respectable hair style is a baseball cap to cover your matted, greasy locks

Magic Hour: the one hour a day when your jokes are on point, dj skills on fleek and everything goes exactly as planned. Never the same time and much like a unicorn occurs only with sleep deprivation

Monopoly Money: when you exchange US dollars into other currencies and the paper bills look fake (also known as funny money)

Riverwash: when your hiking buddy tells you they can’t go another day with the smell you generate, find a glacier run off, lake, river etc. and WASH.

Swamp Ass: when your butt gets soggy from sitting too long or when it is really humid out and the crack condensates

Turtle Nudge: when you’re hiking and suddenly realize you need to poo… a state of panic one step before prairie dogging